G.M. Nair's Excuse For A Newsletter #3

 Good Tidings To You, Whoever You Are.

Welcome to the third Holiday-Themed* issue of my Newsletter. You're either here because you haven't unsubscribed after my awful "news"letters or you were suckered into subscribing to this after the fact. Either way, that means you're my target audience. So welcome to part of the G.M. Nair Newsletter Family!

What the shit, Chet**? I fired you weeks ago.

Lorraine said that?   Y'know what? Whatever. We've got a lot to get through today, and I couldn't give less of a shit. Just stay out of my way.

*The only real holiday is Arbor Day **Chet is the unpaid intern. He has an IQ of 45 and smells like a combination of grape cough syrup and axe body spray constantly. I think he thinks the axe covers up the syrup smell, but it just makes it worse. I fired him after he burned down my offices late last month in a freak vape accident. But then three ghosts came to me at night and were just such a huge pain in my ass, so I guess I'll just keep him on through the holidays. If he keeps this shit up, though, I'm gonna break his bluetooth keyboard.

What's New With Me?

  Oh, nothing. Just that I kicked NaNoWriMo 2019's butt! Despite my , I managed to power through and hit the 50k word count just before Thanksgiving. Not bad for a first-timer, I think. For those of you who are intimidated by the prospect of writing a whole novel in 30 days, don't be. 90% of what I wrote is garbage and shouldn't be read by human eyes. I just wrote 50k words, I never said they were in the right order.  What did I write? I finished up the rough draft of the sequel to Duckett & Dyer. I'll tell you more about it in the Duckett & Dyer section later in this newsletter. 

  I'm also happy to announce that I will be joining the writing team of Infinite Sketch next year! Infinite Sketch is a sketch comedy show loosely based on the works of David Foster Wallace, who I'm pretty sure was Michael Scott's boss in The Office. So it might be kind of niche. We'll be performing at the People's Improv Theater at the above dates in 2020, so if you're in New York and want to see some oddball comedy that I had a hand in, come on down!

Look Who's Talkin About Me Now, Too

  While I might not be making the talkshow circuit any time soon, I've still put all my shoestrings into my shoestring advertising budget, so there are a few people out there covering my antics for better or for worse!  First up is Writer's Row, a writing-specific youtube show and podcast hosted by the amazing D.C. Wright-Hammer and David Gane. They had me on as a guest to discuss the process of killing your darlings, which I am quite familiar with, being a 17 time unconvicted serial murderer. Check the episode out below:

I was also recently featured in a post at Effective Nerd, where I discuss my writing process and general quirkiness in terms of being an Indie Writer of such niche work like Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire

  The fantastic author of Dream Girl, SJ Lomas, recently featured Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire as one of her 5 picks for excellent indie reads this holiday season, which is a huge honor. So if you don't take my word for it (or Levar Burton's), you now have an independent third party who's vouched for my book's borderline readability.   SJ also has a new short story available in the Winter Chills holiday compilation mentioned above, full of ghostly stories set in winter. I submitted a pitch for a murder mystery on Christmas Eve where (spoiler alert) Santa Claus is the murderer, victim AND the detective hired to solve the case, but it didn't make the cut.

  And last, but certainly not least, merely by virtue of being an indie book, Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire is part of the list for #Indiecember. For those of you who don't know what #Indiecember is, it's an awesome hashtag run by the lovely Megan Tennant, wherein people can compete to win prizes by reading indie books that cover the bingo board above. Duckett & Dyer hits 6 of these spaces. 7 if you gift it to that aforementioned person you hate. 

  I highly recommend participating in this not just for Duckett & Dyer, but for all the other amazing Indie books out there. For the full spiel, check out Megan's very informative youtube video here.

The Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire Section 

If you're new here, you may be aware of my seminal non-award-winning independent sci-fi/mystery/comedy book Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire. If you haven't, you soon will, because that's what I'm going to be plugging in this section. Click the image below and check it out! The ebook is only $2.99, and is available for free on Kindle Unlimited. 

  If you'd prefer not to support Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos (I like to call him Jeff BOOZE-OS!), then please traipse on down to your local bookstore and ask for it by name.  Alternatively, I'm pleased to announce that you can now order hardcover and softcover copies of my books DIRECTLY FROM ME - thus keeping your hard-earned money out of the pockets of unsightly tech CEOs and into the pockets of unsightly me. If this tickles your fancy, pop on over to my NEW STORE and grab a hard or softcover copy. You can even have them signed by me, if you're some sort of weirdo who thinks it'll increase the book's value!  It makes a great Holiday Gift for that weird uncle or cousin you may have, or for people you hate.

You're going to spend around $20 to wipe your butt with my book?

Fine. Good luck with that.

As I mentioned above, thanks to NaNoWriMo2019, I've officially finished the rough draft of the Duckett & Dyer: Dicks for Hire sequel: The One-Hundred Percent Solution. While I had a pretty good idea of what the sequel was going to be like when I started, just getting the words out on the paper helped me a lot in terms of nailing down certain things that did or didn't work. There was certainly a lot of effective self-discovery that came with putting it out on paper. So even though the draft doesn't fully make sense now, it really felt like a huge step forward.  But, I digress.  As a bit of a celebration, and exclusive to this newsletter - until you copy and paste it elsewhere - here is the currently official, never-before-seen back cover synopsis for Duckett & Dyer: The One-Hundred Percent Solution!

The Future Group is the city’s oldest and most lucrative company, with its fingers in many pies. The problem is no one really knows what it is they do. Michael Duckett has worked there for four years and he still has no clue. All Michael knows is that he hates his meaningless job and all the people in and adjacent to it. But, at the very least, it pays the bills. Bills that have been stacking up since his roommate and best friend Stephanie Dyer decided to open a detective agency – despite her inability to commit to anything.  But when Michael is suddenly fired, he and Stephanie are forced to return to the world of private investigation against Michael's better judgment. A mysterious woman is willing to pay big bucks to enlist the services of Duckett & Dyer in tracking down a rogue assassin who has a bone to pick with Michael’s former employer. Apparently, the Future Group has harbored a terrifying and deadly secret that stretches back decades. One that could put the world as we know it in the clutches of an extradimensional horror. Turns out that Michael was lucky to get out of that job alive. It’s too bad that he and Stephanie are being dragged back to work.

Recommendations and Shout-Outs

For those of you looking for some great books to dive into or gift this holiday season, here're a few recommendations for great indie books I'm reading or have read this year that AREN'T Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire. 

  I'm currently reading Tavern by Deston J. Munden, a fantasy novel about an Orc and his motley crew skilled ne'erdowells as they take on assassins and a city-spanning conspiracy. Definitely a recommendation for fans of fantasy and dense, rich worldbuilding. 

If you've read my book and compared it to Douglas Adams' Dirk Gently Novels, you might want to check out The Audacity by Laura Loup. It's basically Duckett & Dyer's Sister Novel which reaches toward The Hitchhiker's Guide side of the Douglas Adams' spectrum. The Audacity features rocket-racing, a Chaos Goddess that enslaves Earth, and a fleet of space-borne AMC Gremlins It's fast, funny, inventive, and it's definitely the kind of book I've always wanted to read.

What the hell else do you want from me

Once again, I'm always eager to hear comments, questions, and stupid ideas from my extremely beautiful and intelligent audience. If there's something you'd like me to do in a future edition of this newsletter, let me know! I'd love to create some unique content based on your suggestions because it saves me mental energy from making stuff up on my own. You will receive no credit.  And if you can find a way for me to reliably get rid of Chet, I'll send you 20 bucks.

Well that's the most apt comparison I've ever heard.  Anyway, that's all from me this month guys. Happy Holidays and thanks for reading!

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